My Body, My Rules

Last week one of our writers, Uchechi, shared her experience with birth control in Nigeria and we learned a whole lot. It is so important for us that women have the ability to choose the contraceptive methods that work well for us. If you have been thinking about birth control options available to you where you are, we recommend you schedule an appointment with your OB-GYN to find the best options for you.

While birth control has worked for many, I chose a different, perhaps unconventional path. I chose abstinence. For the longest time growing up, I didn’t know Africans kissed or had sex. Much of the media I consumed and love stories was by way of American romantic comedies, which didn’t represent Black love. I had never seen two adults in love and assumed it just wasn’t a thing that happened to people that looked like me.

Then I turned sixteen and it seemed like everybody and their gateman were having sex. It might have been due to my age and naïveté, but it felt like the wool had been pulled over my eyes and I was suddenly aware of a society that was simultaneously sexually repressed and hypersexual. No one spoke about it, but it was happening.

After a careful examination of the state of affairs, I decided all of that was not for me. I saw people seeking validation and companionship in all the wrong places and it felt very empty to me. I especially noticed that women were almost always getting the short end of the stick. I wanted something more.

It wasn’t until 2018 that my views on abstinence and my faith as a Christian really came together. Before then, I wasn’t really interested in sex and it seemed like a futile recreational activity. But in 2018 as my faith gained prominence in my life, my resolve over abstinence became more purposeful.

While this may not be an option for everyone, it is an option. It certainly has its challenges when it comes to dating and snide remarks for people who don’t agree with your decision. However, there is nothing more empowering than standing firm in your convictions whether that is choosing abstinence or not.